I know the parties they joke about...

...on television and movies. The party that the TV wife reminds her TV husband about while thier TV children roll their eyes. The TV husband runs into the kitchen set and sees the date circled on the calendar with big red words- MY FAMILY PARTY! Cue the music- DUN DUN DUUUNNNN! TV husband grabs his coat and calls out- "Honey- I left something at the office- I will meet you at the party! I will try not to be late!" Then- Laugh reel plays.

I know that party- I live that party- every year!
I try to enjoy myself. I try to convince myself that I want to be there and its NOT THAT BAD- but no. I am wrong. I am kidding myself. I realize I am a bitter old miser- and should avoid the affair next year. This is the year I will remember that! I swear!

My Grandma's (Esther) Christmas party is always the hardest event we attend all year! My Grandma had 5 children with my Mom as the second child. I am her oldest grandchild. My earliest recollections- my grandma would spoil the life out of my cousins, and my sisters and I would get a card with a dollar. On my sister's first birthday my grandma brought a pound of frozen hamburger as a gift. Told us she did not have time to shop. (Why bring anything!!!) Christmas parties all our cousins got clothes and dolls while we held our dollar bills. Aunts handing the other cousins more dolls and we overlooked all together. Our dear Mother telling us to be gracious and happy and thank everyone with a hug and a kiss. We dutifully did so! Every one chatted with us, and patiently listened to us tell them stories of of lives. They loved us, right?

Then we would move to the program portion of the party, where my mom dressed us in the most beautiful clothes we owned and we sang our hearts out. I think she wanted their approval too. Our Aunt who would always be embarrassing would get polite applause too. We being the loudest because we were taught to respect our elders.

I may sound like a ungrateful grinchy girl- but I just can't do that anymore! When we get ready to go my kids are groaning. Begging to stay home. I tell them they are family and we will give Grandma our yearly picture. "Don't worry- Nanny is coming and will bring you something to open!" I know we only take family memories with us to the next life and I too will dutifully teach my children to be gracious.

Last night I broke. Yep. My will to attend this party has left forever. Was the party different? Nope. We ate, people were nice, the gifts passed around us, the program ensued. Like always. But THIS year as I watch my 55 year old Aunt in her tighter than life clothes, dance around the room doing a dance meant for gentlemen callers while others cheered- I realized that was the LAST place on the planet I ever wanted my children. They DID NOT have to feel like we are only invited because of blood. They DID NOT have to clap for the Aunts who didn't know thier names anyway. They DID NOT have to hold thier gift brought by thier Nanny/(Aunt who was instructed by the Nanny who got snowed in in Logan.) who knew that no one else would remember them that night. There is love for them everywhere! Everywhere their are beautiful things for them to take in and THAT is where we will be next year on the night of the Waters/Robison party.
I know there are genuine people on that side of my family that I love and who love us. They do know who they are.

Sorry for the depressing post- but it was a revalation and a huge moment for me!

THANK Goodness for my Wood family! As I have said before- We LOVED our parties with them!