Its been a really long time.  It was summer.  and we had a great one.  We swam, we BBQ'd, we family reunioned, we cleaned the house, well, not very much, we watched TV, we walked the dog, we camped, we ate potato salad and watermelon, we all slept in the family room, we shopped, we tried new ways to keep cool...even though its pointless, and we just need to use the airconditioner, we went on drives, we played with friends, we weeded the flower patch, we fought, we laughed, we went to the dentist, we birthdayed, we anniversaried, and we worked out, and we had a great great summer.

Somewhere there are pictures.  I am not sure where.  I just don't care at the moment.

I always thing that the summer is over when the kids go back to school.  This year I have the 2 highschoolers and one in elementary.  That is wild to me.  I feel so old.   I feel so lucky and blessed to have these older children.  They sure teach me so much, and worst of all, best of all, they are eveidence of the training they have been given.  Good and bad.

We were going to have one last big hurrah of summer on September 1st.  We went to O-town for sweet little Myles and Annabelle's 2nd and 3rd birthday.  We were going to swim, eat hotdogs, and hang out with family.  Later Awesome Alison was going to have her 13th birthday party.  Good times right? 

It turned into the worst day I have ever known.  Makes any day of sadness to this point seem so small. feeling as though I was TRAPPED in a nightmare.  One I would like to awaken from.  One that leaves my blood cold and my eyes wet.  It is still in every thought, prayer, and breath.  Our little family is so shaken.  We will never be the same.

Michelle called during the birthday party.  Timm has a huge mass in his brain.  She is terrified and needs us.  I wanted to fall.  But I had to hold others up.  The range of terror and emotion was behemothic.  The vast pain crushed out my breath- from just a mass, to 3moths to live, to cancer, to surgery, to going blind, to widow, to a surgeon who brought HOPE.  By September 4th I was exhausted.  The mental state roller coaster was hard to convey to even my own heart.

But STUFF it in my pocket, and make it go away.  Dave needed me.  Nicole needed me. Michelle. My sweet sister.  My dearest little friend.  My confidant, and counselor needs me.  I have to put it away.  Storage.  My Jack needs his B.  My heart can wait.  It always does.