Change of plans

On Tuesday I stopped in at the school to make sure some accommodations were being met for my child, and was hired by the Special Ed to work with some sweet little kindergartners! So my first day of work would be after my concert I had been so excited for! Figures huh? So I went to work with 3.5 hours of sleep! (and you know me! I am so horribly grumpy without my sleep!)

Since then, I have spent the last 3 days with 5 year olds. I just adore them. I have missed actually working with kids. It should be piles of fun! One boy has got to be the cutest thing I have ever seen- and everything he says is wonderfully sweet. He does not call me my name, or teacher, he calls me "friend." Another little guy told me today that I can come to his house for dinner. I told him that I needed to eat dinner with my kids and he said- " Let me ask my mom if they can come too!" Hahaha! What a doll face. The afternoon class has a bunch of kids who are still crying for their mommies the first 30 minutes of class and it kind of breaks my heart. I am so grateful for prayers that are answered, being remembered by my Heavenly Father, and amazing family who is helpful and understanding!

I planned on talking endlessly about how great Dave (Gahn), Martin (Gore), and Andy (Fletcher)are. I was going to tell you how- even after seeing them 20 years ago at the Salt Palace and 6 times in between! - they are still so much fun, energetic, and wonderful! I was all geared up for another amazing Depeche Mode show, with nothing else exciting going on in my life. Boy was I wrong! Now don't get me wrong! This was the best DM show since Alan left the band- and ALMOST as good as the show in 1990- but still not quite! Lorelei and I had a great time, had FANTASTIC seats, and with the 4 inch heels Lorelei brought me to wear- no tall guy's head in my way!
But what was on my mind most was where I would be going in the morning!
Lorelei and I both brought cameras. After the first 2 pictures- we put my camera away because hers was AMAZING! So here you go... I realize there is a bunch- I just want them for my scrap book! Such great pictures...sooo close- like we didn't even take them...but we DID!Andy- doing his thing Martin playing- In Chains Dave Singing- In Chains Dave Huge 3 dimensional ball thing-y about the size of a Yugo Dave and the never replacable Alan replacement. Martin singing- Shake the disease Martin- Oh how I love his beautiful voice. Dave said I could keep him if I could talk Martin into living on my dresser! I forgot to ask if he would. Martin- not zoomed in Dave singing - Never Let me Down: It may seem there are arms in the way- but those of you who have seen DM understand why this is a COOL shot. My Favorite picture- I <3Martin Gore!

Brand New School, Brand New Year

Yesterday was the first day of school for us. I personally was LOTS more excited than the kids were. One reason I put off moving so long was that our children went to a really great school. the first charter school in Ogden, and we were the 3rd family to sign up! I really wanted a better choice for my kids, and they were very poor in Ogden before OPA opened up. We signed up and there was an old tire store that they claimed our children would be going to in 6 weeks. It was in the middle of a parking lot behind the Ogden Temple- which you may know was (its being re-vamped and looking nicer all the time!) a HORRID part of town. But we did it, I had faith in what the parents and principla believed in- and that first year I spent over 500 hours volunteering at that school. The next 4 years- I ended up teaching there. Our children grew so much there- and it really made a HUGE difference in their academic careers. When we moved here and I saw how far ahead the kids were, I asked the administration if there were any programs to challenge my kids and she said "In a couple of years your kids will be right with the other kids." YES- you heard me right. That is EXACTLY what she said to me. Let's just hold your kids back so the other kids can catch up. Oh a novel plan. (IDIOT) Within 6 months I had taken Nicole out of school completely! She was beyond struggling!

When this new choice opened up, I prayed daily that if it was the right choice, to get my children in. I have so much faith in that prayer. When they were accepted, I knew that my Father in Heaven would help us, and them, do what we needed to help this school succeed. It will!
Oh how the kids have complained. Especially Nicole! They know the work will be more, and the uniforms. Yah- it was a trial. Yesterday I did not have any fights as I took them to school. they Really really stepped up to the plate! Pick up was a bear- it took me 45 minutes to get them- but I am SURE it will work itself out. Sure of it! I will be patient, and willing to serve, and gleefully watch my children grow.

Sunshine-y, Happy Orange-y Sunday!

Good Sunday Morning! It is a beautiful day on the the other side of the Lake! Its exciting to have been able to sleep a bit late and not worry about church until 3:00. Today we will be attending the Orquirrih Mountain Temple Dedication as a family! Dave and I have gone in the past to dedications, but now that we are all baptized members, we can all go. How many families are able to do that? I feel very blessed today. Everyone is excited! I was glad that our ward was assigned the 3:00 time slot, because it gave me time to make a nice big family breakfast of French Toast with my homemade bread. Yah- you can drool, because it was delish! I decided that it was picture worthy. Since I keep saying I will take picture of the kitchen- I snapped a few while everyone was dishing up! I probably should have cleaned up the kitchen before taking the pictures- but I wanted to eat my HOT French Toast! In this picture you can see the pot rack Dave gave me on Mother's Day, and the new lights above the sink!

They look so nice! Not to mention you can see how the paint is NOT DONE! It makes the cabinets look even prettier!Looking into the Living Room.The one piece of trim that is done!

Yah- So I am not super entertaining today, I just feel happy, blessed, and ready to face the world! Oh! And did I mention the kids start school tomorrow? Could that have anything to do with it?

Fun for $3.00

We are trying to have a little bit more fun before we go back to school and we CAN'T!!! So today we went to the fountain at the Gateway, and had 6 tacos.

We had a great time!
A bit nervous at first.
Kira and Jordan are on the right. Kira- mid scream! Jordan was hit in the face! Waiting for the spray! My three fantastic babies! Nicole could not get her hair wet...she just straightened it....
Del Taco opened recently in Laketown. I find it HILARIOUS that they has a playground. Its not exactly convenient to take kids there. But it is ok with us! Cleanest playgound I have ever seen! My kids are probably the 5th kids to ever play there! Nicole in the window. Jordan- cheesing. Jordan, the apple of the Taco guy's eye. The Wood Famous- "pretend you are asleep" pose. Think they liked thier $3.00 date? Kira and Jordan in the window.

I Like Pie.

Jordan is the family spokes person for pie. He loves pie so much he had a $1500 sign made for it! Paid for by us- so that is why he is the family spokesperson!

While in Cache Valley this weekend, a friend brought my mother-in-law a pie. She decided to share it with us! Thanks Mom! Mom also had these funny pie candles in her garage from a yard sale. In honor of the pie eating, Mom and the kids lit it. After they had played with it for a while Dad comes out and says "Oh is this our pie?" Mom told him that it was, so he reaches in, grabs a cherry, and starts to chew it! Wax and all! Mom and I were quite flabbergasted. It all turned into laughter as he tells us, he knew the whole time, but wanted to see what we would do! Nut! Kira was being a nut too- She had this idea that is would look funny to roast marshmallows over the pie. Yep. It looked funny! They must be related!

After lunch we all dove in to it. Yah. It was the most tasteless, horrible, things any of us had ever eaten! I mean- how terrible to be looking forward to a yummy piece of pie, only to have the crust taste like hardened flour and the fruit taste non-ripe and in need of 2 cups of sugar! We were all horribly disappointed! BUT have no fear! Super Dad was here!!! He (making the best pie crusts ever!) went to solve our disappointment. 2 hours later we had warm delicious lemon cream pie! It was of course perfect, and really did save the day! Thanks Dad!A picture of Nicole waiting for her GOOD pie!

I know Cake Tales is what we all tuned into today, but sometimes it all about the pie!

WARNING: Not at all nice, too much information, - just need to get this out!

This is me journaling- seriously- feel free to skip!

My head feels great! Thanks for the well wishes- I am sure that's what made the difference. I have fantastic people around me, who I love dearly. I do not know if I could have made it through this horrible ordeal with out them. And seriously- why is it not over yet!!??
I am a terrible person! I feel so dang GUILTY for what I am about to write. Seriously what kind of loser does this!!!! I apologize right now- especially if she reads this- maybe she will understand and forgive me. I really do love her, and am sincerely sincerely thrilled for her.

My cousin and I had our sons on the same day (10/0/97) she has had 2 daughters since (they are like 10 and 6) since the birth or her last daughter she has had several miscarriages. She announced yesterday that she is (pregnant due the same time I WAS) was having a boy. So- I totally lost it- I bawled for a good 3 hours. Seriously freaked. WHY did she have to be due the same time as I and why is it a boy? I was so angry! It certainly did not help my head!

Now I feel so bad! I wigged OUT! My mom was kinda taken aback that I was so upset! She kept saying she was sorry- but my cousin really deserves this after all her loss. WELL LOGICALLY - I get that, but my heart was not having any of it last night! Now of course I get it... but sure am irritated that I opened my big mouth at all! I KNOW I can't fill that empty spot in my heart that belongs to him. I GET that. But my ARMS are aching almost as much as my heart- and I KNOW I could make room for another baby in my heart, and then my arms would not hurt to badly! I am sure that is EXACTLY how she has felt all these times- but me- in my craziness could not see it that way last night! I only saw me. Alone, Lonely, and Sad.

Now that being all said- the migraine, the crazy crying jag... My emotions, are so rollercoaste-y... Hormones.... its the ONLY explanation. OR.....ok- I admit it! I could be absolutely CRAZY! Mental institution CRAZY! I am actually starting to feel like that is a possibility too! WHO is angry that someone you LOVE is getting what they truly deserve! I Pray that she would have understood this!!! I find this so annoying, that I am still feeling so sad! I mean- I have been doing SO WELL_ then out of the blue- unstable, irrational, sad, pathetic me comes roaring out! I am almost blind sided by me! I want to be over this, and move on with my life! I want my sweet smelling little bundle of happiness to come into our home- but I CERTAINLY am not fit for one with all this inconsistant behavior. (but wait...I have 3 babies here...and I have always been some what of a whack job! Wow! I must be a sight now!!!) Wow. At least I have perspective today. I am even laughing out loud as I type- I am really a screwball!

Funny. I finally found my battery charger...now where did I put that battery??? I took it out to charge it and then...POOF- its gone. I wanna take pictures of the kitchen! The pretty newly painted kitchen.

Why is my life so silly?

I am such a dork!

Last night I had the strangest dream. I was singing the Kookaburra song over and over- and there was one in my yard. (which in the dream was huge and covered in a garden with every delicious vegi becoming ripe. I guess that is why they call them DREAMS!!!) I wake up, and can NOT get that song out of head! I had to Google Kookaburra to see if the bird really looks like in my dream, (nope- I was WRONG) to find the exact words to the song- so while I sit here and sing it ALL DAY LONG- I can at least sing the correct words. I am such a dork huh?

Something happened last week that made me go back and recall a situation from my youth. It boggles my mind that Nicole is about that age and is going to start having these funny things happen to her- that she can look back 18 years later and laugh. I can't BELIEVE she is at that place. I was thinking about being a Beehive. After Young Women's we were playing hide and go seek in the church and a few of us were hiding in the Releif Society room- but since it was PITCH BLACK- it worked out just fine!!! When the boys started to "Find" us- a boy names James Dahle found me- just as he stepped into Bonnie. He turns around and GRAZES his lips on her cheek and he is turning to move away to whomever he steped on. He starts calling out that "Kissed her! I kissed her!" Someone hits the lights and there he is holding on to MY wrist! The boys start cat calling that we were CAUGHT kissing...While I DENY the whole thing. By the next day in school the whole group...and anyone else who would listen... was calling me FRENCHIE!!! All this while- Bonnie laughing her head off because she knows it is untrue- and that SHE was the one his lips literally RAN INTO!!!!! I was so furious...but now - its just totally funny! I was probably furious because I liked the kid! I can see the SAME thing happeing for Nicole and while its hysterical- its so scarey too!

I also won a total Blog makeover! I am trying to think of something tha I will like for a long time and not get sick of....anyone have any ideas?? I should take some new pictures too! OH! And GUESS WHAT!!!!!! My battery charger is FOUND. I am just so happy!
Anyway...me again...just meandering in my mind!

New me, old me

I almost feel like a totally different person. The Gabrielle before, and the Gabrielle who lost her little baby. While I understand that this happens to people all over, all the time, I just feel different. I used to think of myself as somewhat funny, and light hearted. I could always find a reason to laugh or poke fun, but now I fell more somber. I see life and its gifts so much more clearly. Not that I did not appreciate life or my blessings before...now it just seems as if they are in Technicolor! The TXH version of surround sound as opposed to just Dolby sound. I find it facinating and awe inspiring, but I sometimes want to just go back to my happy go lucky ways. I find that non of this is even related to the baby. I do dream of his sweet little face- but I am not consumed with What Ifs. Its more like- seeing a sunset for the first time. finding pleasure in the breeze, Noticing how Kira's voice cracks when she is super excited. Its hard to explain... Like seeing a shadow for the first time. Oh that reminds me of Jordan. Wow- I had not thought of that in a long time! When Jordan was - oh like- almost 3... we were out with my mom. Jordan came around a corner and saw his shadow. I could almost SEE the congnitive gears turning as he realized it was a little boy there on the sidewalk. First we waved. The shadow waved back. Jordan grinned. By this time I was so INTRIGUED by this encounter, all I could do was watch. Then he jumped a few times- and so did the shadow Jordan. He kicked, squatted, and twirled along with shadow Jordan. Then he noticed that if he walked, the other boy would follow him too. So we were finally able to continue on our way. We all walked into the shade of a tree where Jordan exclaimed with alarm- "Where'd he go where'd he go?" He ran back into the sun, and said "Oh good." then into the shade he had lost him again- "Where'd he go??" We were laughing so hard- it took me a few moments to compose myself enough to explain it to him. He seemed SO disappointed that it was not a new friend who wanted to follow his every move. So completely funny! I had totally forgotten about that. Cute kid. I didn't totally just jump the tracks on that one did I? Meh- I don't care- its my blog. Thankfully I can do whatever I want. I am grateful for that! I sure would like to find my personality again. Its kinda lost- and buried. Maybe it will come out soon. One could only hope. (yes a terrible picture- but its totally the feeling I have ...)

aha!

I am doing it! I am going into the bathroom and soaking my ponytail and then heading out for my walk/jog/collapse!
It may keep me cooler...right??? Wish me luck!!!!

If you see me in the collapse phase far from home.... Yes- I want a ride!

*Edit
It worked it worked it worked! I am going to try it again today! Last night I went right in and soaked my pony tail and went. (It was after 8...blogger time is SO Screwball-y) I had a great walk and ran into a GREAT walking partner. (yes... I stole Mare's mom. I just love her.)

Hot Hot Hot

So hot. ITs so hot! I can't figure out if summers ever felt like this as a kid?
By my title you want to start singing...I know- I am singing it too. But stay with me!

I want to go out first thing in the morning and walk/jog/collapse but I walk out the door and promise to do it at night. Still too hot at night... I could get up ealier! yah! That's what I am gonna do! Yah no. I never do.

How can I go walk/jog/collapse if I walk out the poor and pant/cry/ and collaspe without doing a thing!?

This is a problem. I know.