humor? MIA

I am sorry I have been on the boring side. I can't remember when I have written anything comical or interesting. My beloved readers have probably decided I have become hopeless. But all is not lost! For the weird and often maniacal woman who sits typing before is still here! She is just consumed with a project. you know me! When I have something like that, it becomes just about an obsession. Seriously- I have been slacking here for a few months now- as the posts get lamer and lamer! (Its sad really- I am grateful I never tried alcohol or drugs! I can totally see how I would have been lost to them forever! That's why the Warcrack was so bad! I just get consumed with what ever I am doing! I should mention that in March I celebrated my one year FREE of the Warcrack! and so did WyN and A...Go us!) ANYWAY- as I meander down another topic.... I am still here- just wrapped up in something! Its nothing cryptic or bad, I am just not quite ready to share with the world yet- but at some point I will be and I will give you ALL the sorted details! LOL (like there are any!) I am so sorry for being a wet blanket all of the time. Really- I will try to work on it!

I do have to say that I am thrilled that school is almost out. I LOVE having my babies around, and am planning to wear them out everyday as we explore the foothills of our new Valley! Last year I was such a DUD when I worked full time to the point of exhaustion! Not this year! Can't wait!

so again forgive me- I will be on top of things as soon as I am ready and with lots of interesting stories to tell! I am not going away- I just am aware of the lack of interesting things going on in my life and my inner thoughts which i usually share- are still preoccupied with my project! Do ya get me? For now- I don't have that much to say!

April 25th, thoughts

In 1990, today, April 25th, the Hubble Telescope was launched. I love the photos that have been gathered from that thing! Remember a few years ago when that picture of deep space was released with more galaxies, gorgeous jewel looking orbs, than you could sit and count. I remember gazing at that picture for 30 or 40 minutes in a state of awe. I was almost dumbfounded by its glory and it intrigued me immensely. I think of that picture sometimes when I am amazed by the glories and intrigues in the world around me. Most times I find the same wonderment in the eyes of my children. Less so now that they are older. It not like I can hold them in my arms and just stare at them! (laughin' at the thought!) I could stare at them and see the glories of the spirit inside of them, that I was blessed enough with to help on their eternal journey. I marveled at the potential in them, the Divine faith and love it took to send them to ME. I felt so privileged. Those feeling are very hard to express, but it was a wonderment to me.I am in a very happy, positive , optimistic mood about life and all of its glories right now. I have nothing to credit that to, except of the blessings I have received in this life to ponder on. I am just joyed to be reminded from time to time of those feelings. With some confusing trials of the past 5 months, I am grateful for the awe inspiring patience of my husband, who surely must want to throttle me sometimes, but the will to not is strong apparently. LOL
I wish I could say: GUESS WHAT WORLD- _____________ has happened and all I can feel is joy! But the exciting, thrilling ____________ (what ever it may be) has not, and joy is here anyway. Its actually almost better like this- I can be elated for no other reason than I am here and alive!
Wow- I really did not expect to go this direction today- but there it is. Sorry for the strange ramblings, that may seem cryptic, but they are not. Its just me, feeling, living, and being happy!

Sure want to paint the rest of my house- even know what colors to paint. Wish I could do it today.

As Chellee says- "Good meat Good meat."

Been married to my man for almost 15 years. I love everything about him, and I would really only change 2 things about him. One of which is that no matter how HARD I try, I cannot convince him that Sunday dinner does not have to be a roast. 15 years and he still wants it every Sunday. He does not ALWAYS get it of course, but if I ask what he wants, its roast and taters.

Yesterday I did my worst and had a happy man. Loves his roast. Loves his hot homemade rolls, and asparagus. But you know, I love why he loves Sunday dinner. We always eat together- (well except Tuesdays with Scouts and YW, and callings with church) but Sunday we eat our food, its ALWAYS something that is thoughtfully prepared, we laugh, chat, talk of the important things in life, and then we clean it all together. Most days the kids clear the table, but on Sunday we all clean up and enjoy our time together. I love it. One of my favorite things. If all I had to do was make a roast and potatoes to make my family SO happy, I would do it every single night. Every one.

Because some of us need a laugh

On Easter Sunday we went on a walk. We walked past a neighborhood Day Care Center and this was posted on the door.


I know a few of us need a good laugh today.

Lessons JUST for me.

(If you have already heard parts of this- I am sorry, but since this is my journal, I get to do what I want!)

Oh how I love my church calling. Really. I can't think of anything I would like to do more. (I would like to be with grown ups someday. Someday.) I love to sing, and I love the music from the Primary Songbook. Love it. I have told David that at my funeral- ALL the music has to come out of it. But that is neither here nor there. Each month I have the pleasure of teaching a new song to the kids. For me this is quite the feat! I do not read music- and have not a musical bone in my body. But the Lord helps me and inspires me to my own sense of style that I hope the children get and love. Sometimes I am sure I am doing things a way that someone thinks is silly or not the way they would do them, and I am ok with that. I try to go from my heart.

ANYWAY- getting WAY off topic.... This month the outline for the year said I get to pick the song we learn myself. It had to be about the Savior. That was the only criteria! Well
yes-sir-ree Bob! I can do that! I started with what was one of my favorite songs... He sent his Son. But every time I started to work on my lesson, I was just not feeling it! (I have even taught this song before!) A little voice in my head kept suggesting another... (and yes, again, I hear voices in my head! So?) So I finally came to the conclusion that we would be singing - "Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam." Yes, every child in our church learns this song by the time they are 3, and it seems like a little nursery song. I am thinking- WOO HOOO! Easy month for me! We can work on a Mother's Day song too- and it will be like breezing through nothing to learn! I also figure our Junior Primary (3-7 year olds) can really shine when we sing for our parents. They deserve that. So I started to formulate a lesson plan.
As easy and as simply as this song is, I was touched and moved by the beautiful words and meanings of this "Nursery song." When I tried to sing, my heart would become full of joy and tenderness. I wish I was poetic enough to describe the sweet voice of the Spirit as it wrapped my heart with Christ's love for the children I felt while working on this song. This song is about cheerfulness, commitment, example, happiness, kindness, and love. On the music, it references Matthew 5:16. " Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." I was so excited! It was perfect. I also learned that this song, which I had known since I can remember language, had a second verse! Did you know that? Its so sweet!

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam, to shine for him each day.
In every way try to please him, at home, at school, at play.
A sunbeam, a sunbeam. Jesus wants me for a sunbeam.
A sunbeam, a sunbeam. I'll be a sunbeam for him.
Jesus wants me to be loving, and kind to all I see.
Showing how pleasant and happy, his little one can be.
A sunbeam, a sunbeam. Jesus wants me for a sunbeam.
A sunbeam, a sunbeam. I'll be a sunbeam for him.

Did you know that a sunbeam is also called a crepuscular ray? A crepuscular ray are rays of sunlight that radiate from a single point in the sky. They stream through gaps like columns of sunlit air separated by darker regions when they contrast between light and dark they are the most obvious. A pretty powerful definition to me. Struck my soul as to exactly WHY this song was written. Especially written for our children to learn so young. They are radiating the pure love of Christ. They show the rest of us, our often dark world, the light that some are in desperate need of finding. This simple message seared itself into my spirit, and taught me, that I am just a tool in my Father's hands. I thought I was choosing this song for one reason, while the Lord was actually teaching me a lesson. Teaching me that I am not too old to love this song, to learn from this song, and I am here to teach his little ones to shine from a single point. Their Savior, Jesus Christ.

Easter Saturday and Sunday

Easter was low low key for us. Usually we get together with family, but we have ran around every weekend for the past month, Dave just wanted to stay home. Worked for me- and I am not an exhausted mess right now! We went to a REALLY fun ward picnic on Saturday at the Historic Benson Grist Mill. They had opened it up just for our Ward. It was very beautiful. Gara, our Ward activities Chair said that they ha prayed really hard for the rain to stay away, and it did! Thanks Gara! We had a GREAT lunch and the an Easter Egg hunt for the kids. They had a great time! then! The children hid eggs for the adults which was so fun. Not really the egg finding- but to see HOW excited the kids were that we were looking for eggs! It was a ball!
Poor Little Savannah! She may have a fractured leg- and just wanted to be held!

Dave and I decided years ago that we would NOT do Easter baskets on Sunday anymore. Our kids get everything the day before. This year they only got what they found at the picnic and some eggs we colored. We just were not into it this year- and why its like a second Christmas is beyond me! Makes Easter morning so much nicer. We went to church and then home for a Easter Brunch. I made a praline topped French toast Caserole. I thought it was great- I had my usual complainers...I feel so apreciated someimes! We also read the first presidencies Easter message, and watched the video that was posted on the churche's website. It was part of Elder Holland's talk for conference set to some wonderful pictures of the Savior. It was great. We also went on a walk. Really a wonderful relaxing Easter. We did missed our families and decided next year we will spend the holiday with them.

As an aside I learned a beautiful lesson this week. I will talk about it tomorrow!

So ridiculous.

Watch out- small rant coming on. Actually its times like these that you may think I have lost my mind! You may think- "I know she is opinionated- but Seriously?!" But really? I don't care- its on my mind and its coming out! Beware!

I was just watching tv. A commercial I have never seen before comes on. It was like a horrifying train wreck! My jaw on the floor and I can't turn away. I could not believe how horrific it was! A train wreck I tell you!

A commercial. Dancing babies, with some Joe Cool guy jammin'. They are introducing a new dance- one you can download on-line to teach your babies, and do at home. Looks like fun- good times to be had.

But really? No. Its a diaper commercial- and they are teaching the Potty dance.
The POTTY DANCE?!
You have GOT to be kidding me! I mean- I should be downloading it right now. Really! RIGHT NOW! You want to too right??? So you too can grab yourself, cross your legs, and hop up and down! Surely having your child do this POTTY DANCE will help them want to use the toilet more! Holding it- is a life skill to write songs and dances for right?!

I am at a loss- What are they thinking?!?!?

(and now you are thinking- She is insane! Sorry.)

Walled in

If the walls in my house could talk, I wonder how they would perceive our lives. I assume they would have to take a 3rd part perspective and would remain neutral on topics. Like yesterday- I have two kids fighting. I try to get the story from one of them, and a side I just can't see. The other child does not give me a side. So to TRY and make a solution, I ask a third party child and get a little, but I am still confused. One thing I hear is there is anger over a Christmas present (or lack there of) 4 years ago. (yes, I said FOUR) What am I supposed to do with that. A talkative wall would really help at about this point!!!

What about days where I spend my days at home while the kids are in school? Sometimes the report would probably be: She was busy busy busy today! I even had a rub down! Other days I can hear my walls tattling on me: She went back to BED after the kids left for school! But the true curiosity is on days when I have a little of this and that to do, and I am plodding along nicely when the phone rings. I walk over to the phone, see who it is, and then walk away. The walls can not possibly what I am thinking right? The call could have been from an unknown number and I am going to listen to the message before I talk to them. How must that look? Or on a day where I feel bummed out and want to be alone. I hide in my PJs all day long, and brush my hair 7 minutes before my husband gets home. I must seem like a nut.Mostly I wonder what they think of our family. Can they tell how much we love each other? Do we show it enough to even impress the walls? Is there more kind, fun- loving chatter, than there is bickering? Would our walls GLADLY trade places with walls from another house, or would they FIGHT to stay here? Do they see a pattern they could share to help us always be more of a heaven than an asylum? What would my walls REALLY say if they could talk?

Starting to break

Spring Break 2008 was not a memorable one for my children. I made them breakfast then at least at 8:15 everyday of the break. I spoke to them a few times on the phones- "Stop fighting with your sister!" "I don't care. How about Peanut butter toast." " Is there anyway Jordan can use it for just 5 minutes!" You know, good stimulating conversation! Came home at 4:25, fell to the couch and died a little inside. My children who had been home and stuck in the house all day long would beg for me to take them places- I suggested finding a friend and playing. Off they went while I tried to recover. At 7 or so, they came home starving, and I, being the awesome mom I was at the time, gave them cereal. Yep- 5 nights in a row. I distinctly remember one of them saying- "This is the worst spring break ever."

Spring Break 2009 is NOT going to be that way. Nope. I have promised a fun time for all! Sunday: cousins came. We made pizza and watched conference. 2 of the cousins are still here! They stayed up until 1 in the morning watching movies on the projector, and played outside while I did my chores. I made a yummy dinner of yummy tacos- Like the ones we had in Mexico, rice, beans, and a kid fave- creamed corn. Take that bowl of cereal! Then off to the City Pool. Our pool is GREAT! A waterslide, sprayers, and a lazy river. (and family night prices!) AND! It is only Tuesday Morning! I will not fail my children this year! I STILL smell like chlorine- which will not change- because I plan on going to areobics in an hour- but it was so worth it. on other topics: I have a question for my Mom. My Mom has never read my blog, and never will. (I think she is afraid of technology. Afraid that it may come alive in the night and take over the world. Or something.) So I know she will not answer me. In fact, I don't think she would even be ABLE to answer me. My mom was just starting her own company when I was Nicole's age, super stressed out, and gone- LOTS. My Dad was in a van pool from Logan to Hill Air Force Base everyday taking him for almost 13 hours a day. Oh! I am getting side tracked. sorry!

Question: Was I like Nicole?

could I have POSSIBLY been so hard to deal with that my parents wanted to strangle me ? Am I the reason why my Dad took the Van pool and my Mom was gone all the time- so they could avoid my drama- did I complain or stomp over EVERY SINGLE thing? Did I push my parents to the brink of insanity? Did I whine when my mom asked me to take out the trash, while she cleaned the kitchen, and then RUN out the door when she said- "Are you seriously complaining about THAT?" Not that it matters, or that anything like that has ever happened to me.


Today anyway.

Lots to say- not in the mood

Bunches of things happened this weekend, but I and kinda cranky and not in the mood to write- but when you read a journal, its annoying when piles of time goes by and you have no idea what happened.

• Enrichment night was a hoot- I sure hate crafts. I should NOT attempt that with serious thoughts- only for fun.
  
• Jazz game Friday was really fun! We really did enjoy our selves and our kids can't wait to go again.

• Had a great time having lunch and watching Saturday conference at Bonnie and Aaron's house. Her round belly is adorable, and her 4 girlers are sweet as pie.
• Made homemade pizzas with my sister yesterday between conference sessions. It was yummy- and I need to go clean the kitchen now.
  
• My two favorite talks were the 3rd one on Sat. morning- I can't remember who it was, and Elder Hollands talk yesterday.

Ok- Good enough.

Clowning around

I hear these tales of people who are afraid of clowns. Really- its quite beyond me. These are people who dress funny to entertain and delight the masses. I watched Bozo the clown. I loved the game where they tried to drop balls into the pails. I loved the clowns at the circus, and yah- since I LIKE to be scared- I was even entertained by Pennywise. (if you don't know- don't ask)

As a parent however you HAVE to love clowns. You do! When you give your child that first birthday cake, and they smear all over themselves- you grab your camera! They know from that moment on that if they do something silly- you squeal with delight, and take a photo! A clown is born! I have countless memories of Nicole putting on clothes backwards, running in to me- "Mommy Look!" I would laugh and she would run down the hall on her little fat legs laughing her head off. Or Jordan- he would grab a plastic Easter egg, fill it with grass and a bug, and hand it to me! I would yell EWWW! There were his little bright eyes laughing and mocking me. Kira was my table dancer- born a certifiable clown!
Does anyone have a husband??? Talk about a clown! I can't tell you how many times that man had done something silly just to make me laugh! (oh! and the thousand times he mad me laugh without even trying???)

How you could possibly be afraid of clowns? Its just not even realistic! there is even a word for people like this- Coulrophobia. Seriously??? Is it rainbow colored hair? The big red sponge nose? Oh wait! Red sponges are scary!!! Oh wait. NO THEY ARE NOT! Its the big shoes. I will hide my husbands shoes from you! The make up? There it is! The make up! I guess that is valid enough- I see REALLY scary ladies parading around in some ghoulish makeup! I do cover young childrens eyes around some ladies. I have heard of people who run in terror of a paticular preachers wife with gobs and gobs of makeup. How scary would it be to have a clown creep up behind you??? Watch out Jack!!!!!!

I have this picture of Andrew- my nephew- that I hesitate to post now. Clowns are so scary, and I would hate to offend the tenderhearted. Now that I discovered that the makeup is so terrifying. I finally grasp the sheer horror people feel when people see a clown. MEH- Deal with it- I happen to like clowns!

Happy Spring!

Happy Easter Happy Spring Happy Happy Everything!
Happy April! Can you believe its already April! Its almost shocking.
I am feeling really really upbeat. I am so excited about his spring and summer. I hope big, wonderful, and exciting things are in store for my family in the warm months of the year! I am always so excited to get back out side- going on our family Geocache hikes, evening walks, and sleeping outside. I am hoping that things are even better than usual! We will see!