Uh oh...I am back....

I have not had a good ol' fashioned Gabrielle rant in a good long time. It might be a bit terrifying for some, so take shelter and let my storm pass! I am just frustrated and irritated and ready to scream out right now...and it does not help that I am pretty hungry...but that is sort of the source of all this frustration in an indirect way!

Argh! Ok- So I have been trying to eat just like the dietitian and I discussed. I have done pretty well actually...my gestational diabetes seemed not to be causing much of a change in my blood sugar as long as I ate how I ought to...the only exceptions was the day I decided to have syrup in my waffle and the 2 holiday meals we ate with family. BESIDES then my numbers are just within a few points of in range...ya know- like 125 after meals and 94 in the mornings. I was happy with that...

My OB wants then below 120 and 90. So I was super close just doing it on my own...but he gave me the lowest dose of some short term diabetic pill... and for a day it worked....numbers looked good...but for the past 4 days they are like when I just tried to control it with my food.... So STILL BARELY out of range.

Frustrating I know! But not yesterday. Way high! No matter what I ate...my goodness! This morning I took my morning pill and breakfast. DETERMINED to have a good sugar day. I ate 3/4 cottage cheese and LITERALLY 4 pineapple tidbits on top...I counted them out so I could have 2/1 ratio carbs to protien like they want and what does my sugar come back at??? 180? Seriously??? I might as well have eaten a Snickers bar! I would have enjoyed it so much more! I mean sure- 180 whatever if I had not been trying. 180 for a girl who just wants so stupid syrup in a waffle. 180 for a girl who did NOT give all her delicious Christmas Candy AWAY to everyone else. But for ME??? Who has been trying like mad to eat perfect to keep her baby girl safe. NOT OK!

I called the Dr. I have a one more day of numbers to collect before he decides what to do with me. Then add on the complication. I KNOW its all over once the cord is cut. I get it. But I am trying here!

And if you wanna know...this has been the only pregnancy I have had...out of 6, that I have not loathed every moment of it. I used to swear I was allergic to being pregnant. I hated it more than words could say. But this time...with every stupid complication in the book...(ok well probably that is an exaggeration.) I have actually felt ok, and enjoyed the moments most people speak of. I will actually even say, I have LIKED being pregnant this time. (its a shocker...I know.) BUT GIVE ME A BREAK! Can I just get through the next 7 weeks without sugars at 180 after eating a dang cottage cheese??? Or heck, someone bring me a Snickers bar and let me deserve the high blood sugar.

Ok. That is all.

loving 2011

Oh how I am looking forward to 2011! I have fun stuff coming...in 8 weeks, and I can hardly wait!

While 2010 was hard, losing a baby, being depressed, losing a job, living on unemployment, we still had a great year- with a new baby coming, more school, and a job at the end of the year. We are indeed grateful.

But 2011 will be even better, already looking at better jobs, more school and meeting our new little girl! Who could ask for more!

Our children are happy and safe and wonderful. We love them so much! I LOVE 2011 and am excited for it to get going! My only New Year resolution is to enjoy this year, not take anything for granted, nor an time I have with our family for granted, and try to remember that the last humbling year was a huge blessing and I want to remember the valuable lessons I learned this year.

Happy New Year to all!

Christmas 2010

Of course we took the family to see the lights at Temple Square. Why wouldn't we take advantage of a bright, colorful, and free source of entertainment? Its only 35 minutes away from home and with a free parking pass, it seems silly not to go! The weather was actually perfect that night, cold but not usual Utah December cold! Our friends met us there, light seeing we went! I also learned a fun trick! My friend said you can pick up 6 yummy Lion House rolls for a deal, and that is what she did! I may have to do that sometime! I had a hard time keeping up with my family, because- well...I am slow, and carrying around my 31/2 lb baby can be a workout!Alex came with us! We missed Annabelle!My bum was FROZEN to that bench! Brrr!Nicole HATES being cold. She reminds us of that a lot....Kira LOVED pictures by the temple!Me and my 3 girls!It was busy, but not bad at all!Kira told me I h ad not had a picture with her once all night! She remedied that!

We had a wonderful Christmas also! We decided to spend more time in Cache Valley this year because our families could make our Christmas merrier than we could have at home. We spent 2 nights at Dave's parents and one at my Mom's. The kids were spoiled by the people who love us, and we loved it! The kids had no idea that they would get a thing this year, because they know its been hard, so boy were they excited to open gifts! It was funny to watch! Too many generous people...the kids had no idea that Santa Claus was still real. I did not take many pictures... I was too wrapped up in talking and laughing and resting and cooking and ya know, Christmas stuff. But a few works... My Mom's Tree Just up! (Nicole does NOT love to be awake! Her sleep is so few and far between...Stooopid insomnia!) My mom- is ridiculous... gifts for her 17 grandkids and 10 kids... she is a goof...but ya know, when you pick up Halloween Costumes at .50 a piece, why not by everyone one??? Nicole checking out her sock Getting a new blouse for Church Nicole is wondering WHO knew she needed new art supplies??? Kira could not WAIT to rip that brush out and use it! She has been brushing her hair every hour since! Our gift passer-outer. He had to sort out who was there and who was coming later. and occasionally finding one for himself!

Loves for Christmas

I have bunches of things to catch up on. I will have to do it later...tonight perhaps...but probably tomorrow. I just want to say how full my heart is. Full of the joy and happiness only a parent can feel when their children are happy. I made each of them a soft squishy blanket, which they have been bundled in since, and hoped that it would be enough. It was. Because the rest of the world made sure that my children had the perfect Christmas. Gifts from our Secret Santa made our day, Grandparents who went all out, to make sure the kids forgot about the 7 months of being unemployed, and the spirit of our Savior that lingers in the hearts of all men this time of year. If only more people could carry it with them more often. My heart is totally full.

I feel the love sent to our family this Christmas, and appreciate every bit of it.

A wild ride

Things are wild. Wild like, I can't believe its been 4 weeks since a dime has come into this house, and yet, we are alive.

Wild like, our kids have a million things to do, and we have yet to fall over dead...though we are coming close.

Wild like, Dave has interviewed for jobs, and still does not have one. He has never interviewed for something he has not walked out with...most people realize he is a good catch!

Wild like, its Christmas, and I am thankful that I can borrow a sewing machine so the kids get one item to open. I hope Dave and I enjoy the cookies I will wrap up for us!

Wild like, I feel like at 35, and spending years getting to our good place, where we could do somethings we wanted from time to time, and not worry about making bills, is gone, and we are starting over...like 20 year olds.

Wild like, falling for no reason, trying to avoid squashing our baby, but managing to smack my face on the car as I go down, breaking my glasses, and feeling like I have been punched in the face.

Wild like, this pregnancy adding another complication...because I am OLD, and having Gestational Diabetes. (Thankfully, my blood sugar is in range the 4 times a day I have had to check- JUST with diet and no pills! Let's hope it lasts!!!)

Wild like, having to now get glasses, without income, and having to wear coke bottles, because that is the best we can do!

Wild like, not being able to wake up in the morning because I am so tired. I am excited to sleep a bit later on Christmas morning!

Wild like, despite all the trials I feel like we are having, knowing that I have a wonderful family, love, support, food, and a home, and feeling more blessed than most people are on this planet. I know that my Father in Heaven is very mindful of us, and knows of our struggles and prayers. He is holding my hand, and keeping me calm, in what otherwise could be disastrous. Feels like a wild roller coaster, yet I am securely fastened to my seat, and I am not falling out. That is kinda wild.

Does not mean that its still not hard.

Once there was a snowman

My boys (I call them my boys because we always have 2-4 boys here...every night, every day) decided to build a snowman. I really thought nothing of it. That is until our 10 foot ladder was paraded through the house...Nicole is even impressed, and Dave is helping... I thought I had better take a gander.... Tall Tall Tall!

I too am impressed. Helps the house look so much more festive on the outside. I am missing my Christmas lights outside, but the added electricity expense will just not do this year. So snowman it is! He even fared pretty well after the big thaw yesterday...albeit a bunch bunch thinner. I am sure soon enough he will melt, small, small, small.

My favorite things

I have favorite things. Lists and lists. Sometimes I think I should consider shaving the list down, but then again? why? My heart is large enough to LOVE many many things! But since this week has been filled with many of the things I love, I am going with the ones on my mind, and the moment.

A favorite thing: Putting out my Nativity. The first year that Dave made actual money he was excited to buy me a gift for Christmas that was not some hokey pair of slippers or a sweater off of the clearance rack. He even went as far as asking Annette (A sweet lady he used to work with, who, from what I understand, had very nice taste) for advise. He bought the gift, and then teased me relentlessly about having a really fun surprise for me Christmas morning. When we all woke up, Dave and I were so excited! the first time we were actually able to spoil our 3 children with anything their hearts desired, and I for one...could barely breathe with excitement! But Dave would not let the kids open a thing...until I had a chance to open mine! He insisted I was first! When I realized what he had bought me, I can't remember saying a word. I just cried...because it was the single most beautiful thing I had ever owned. He gave me the Willow Tree "Nativity"- just Mary, Joseph, a donkey, a Shepard, a lamb, and baby Jesus came with this set. But again- it wasn't the set that made me cry, it was the way Mary held her baby and tilted her head towards him, how Joseph's hand held his heart, and how I related to a mother looking into her little one's eyes saying Hello baby, I have waited a long time to hold you! I could hardly wait until the kids had opened their gifts to set it out. I think I left it up until after Easter that year.

The following 4 years Dave bought the additional pieces. Each year I would wait with such anticipation for my new set. I looked at each one, and could feel the joy the wise men must have felt when finally finding the Christ, and how the animals felt the comforting spirit of the son of God. In fact, I was a little sad once he had bought the whole set... no more new people to remind me of a sacred day, when the Savior of the world was born.

Every year I put it out...kind of ceremoniously. I hold each one, putting myself in each person's shoes, grateful for Jesus Christ. I arrange them so that all the people are looking at the baby, because...that is why they were there. It is one of my favorite things. Thank you Dave, My favorite Christmas gifts ever.

A favorite thing: Christmas Trees! How I love them! I love the smells, the lights, and the shiny things about. I wish this year we could afford a real tree. But ya know... a month without any income will do that to you. I am grateful that we have an artificial tree this year. So our house can be shiny and pretty too! Monday I did something I have NEVER done before. I sat on the sofa...and watched! (I know my sister Michelle is about to pass out...) I let the kids arrange the smashed branches, PUT ON THE LIGHTS! (I know...Chellee you are wiggin') and put on the decorations. The kids even put the ribbons on TOTALLY different than I ever ever would, but you know, it is the most beautiful tree we have had since my gorgeous purple tree of 1996! I was SO proud that Jordan gets my light pickiness...each branch is covered perfectly, and the ornaments are arranged so beautifully! My children are terribly talents, and I could not love them any more! I cried tears of thanks that night when I said my prayers. They are the best children a mother could ask for. Be jealous.

A favorite thing: Poinsettia! My mom brought me a GORGEOUS one for hosting Thanksgiving! she knows how I LOVE them. she knows how I will NEVER buy myself one, because I would rather spend money one someone other than myself. She also knew that Dave could not get me one this ear, and so she bought me one...probably the most beautiful one I have ever seen, with a plant on the outside so that when my flower decides to die, I will still have something to set on the table. I LOVE it. I cried when I saw it. I cry alot over very thoughtful things. Thanks Mom!

A favorite thing: Not worrying that for the first time in probably 14 years, I can not buy ONE THING for my children for Christmas. Dave's parents have busily been buying the kids little things, and my mom assuring me that she has taken good care of them. In fact...I have it on good authority that our new baby girl will be getting her first clothes at Christmas too! Will will have something to wear! Ok...that made me cry a little too.