For my husband,

Happy Anniversary David! Seeing as I was only 19 (BARELY) when we were married- I see how blessed we are! To have found someone who is so wonderful, and so suited for me at such a young (and idiotic!) age. We could have continued to grow up and grow apart, but that is just something that we would have not let happen! I know how we have worked and strived to grow together. Look how that has payed off. I am so thankful for you, and love you more than I ever knew possible 15 years ago. As excited as I was that (HORRIBLY) hot hot day, it pales in comparison to how excited I am to be married to you for ANOTHER 15 years. I thought I could see your thoughts in your eyes back then...I don't even need to be in the same city as you now to know what you are thinking. I LOVE how we think the same, and agree on everything. When we don't...its only because I am hungry, tired, or pregnant. In other words- totally irrational! I love how you are brave and daring. I love how you worry about me and our sweet babies. I love how you take care of everyone around us, how you are aware of others needs and volunteer your services no matter at the inconvenience to you. I love your huge heart, and your love for children. Not just ours. What ever child you see. I love your ability to take care of my minor catastrophes and I love how you let me take care of yours- even though you hardly need me at all. I love how you volunteer me for stuff without asking- because you know I LOVE to help people. I love how you give me "the look" when I volunteer you to do things. I love how you deal with the teenage drama- when my brain is about to explode with irritation. I love how we want the SAME french doors. If I could go back and erase some of the trials in the past, I don't think I would. They have helped us grow into the unit that we are. Thankfully and wonderfully the best we can be this day. We can only get better in the next 15 years. Thank you Love. For everything. You are fabulous- and I even like your crazy junk, every wire, your PINK, your soldering irons, your pieces, parts, and bolts. I will take whatever it is that comes with you. EVEN tripping over your giant clown shoes in the middle of the night on the way to the bathroom. Loves forevers- Gabrielle

blah blah blah

I can't find my camera battery charger. Why it is EVER not in the camera bag is beyond me. I have a million things I want to take a picture of- nope. If you have seen it- let me know!
Few things-
Friday Dave officially has been hit by the economic crisis the country is in. We are lucky really- because I guess we expected it sooner. He was cut one day a week. Its terrifying. I have no idea how things will work out. He still does have a job, and they expect more work in January. I will actually LOVE having him home an extra day a week- but since we will have no money, we will not be going anywhere fun! We have tried to prepare for this. We have cut out EVERY extra, trying to pay extra on things, but we needed more time! (Don't we all!) A few things I wish we would have done, but what can we do now?
Mom took Jordan on an "Elmer" day. She took him to the movies, bought him popcorn, went shopping, and cut his hair. He LOVED it! He told us he did not need a "Elmer day" all the time- but a "Jordan" day would work too! I guess its the first alone day he has had with Nanny in about 6 years! Wow! She brought him home on the 24th, and we had a yummy BBQ with her, Bonnie, Aaron and kids, and Everyone here. It was nice.

Saturday I started by cleaning the church. It was SWELTERING in there! I was a sweaty as a triathlete! (and without the nice muscles!) I then went into Salt Lake with some friends and the kids to meet a friend of ours who has moves to Missouri. We sure miss her. Fun times.
Our stake did a family fun day that evening, games, food, and swimming. We enjoyed the games and food. Dave trying to take on the teenagers at tug of war- pretty FUNNY!I guess I am done bantering. Pretty boring I guess. I have been pretty good- but last night I had a hard night- thinking of our sweet little angel baby. I know he is ok- but I sure just miss him. I know he knows I love him so much and is just waiting for me. Someday.

See the red gleam in my eye???

I have to sneak this on here. Every time I bring up the fact that the kids have to go back to school uniforms, they shoot me the DAGGER eye! I find it completely comical because when they went to OPA, they loved it. Every second- they liked the uniform, and never complained...BUT NOW! I am the DEVIL mom! Makes me laugh. Just wait. I have other EVIL things in store for my children! The coming weeks- I may be sent to DEVIL mom JAIL- as they will have to start having a.... DUM DUM DUM.......BEDTIME. MANDATED homework time. Chores...serious chores. and yes- the most demented, horrible, devilish thing of all... going back to school!

Please. PLEASE don't send the Evil Mom Police after me. I am only doing what is best for them. I PROMISE!

Look! She is 34 too!

I have learned so much in the last few weeks. So much that you would be reading this from now until Next Tuesday. Today I just have to share one thing.
I Love my life.
I love my dear sweet husband, who the sun rises and falls with in my little world. I love my amazing children, who keep me laughing and trying for. The thoughtful things that just tumble out of their mouths- WITHOUT thought- it is just a gift children possess. (Why do we lose that???) People who have served with kind words and deeds. How they are touched to make my day easier is Divine- no doubt about it. My All Knowing Father in Heaven , who knows me well enough to take care of me the way I needed.
The Love all around me fills my heart, and fills the empty spaces. I am so very blessed. Grateful for such.

On my Birthday, my family all came together to surprise me. We had a great dinner, and yummy desserts. My mom even gave me something I had wanted for a while... (its a little foot pedal to sit where ever you are- like under a desk - to get a bit of a workout. I had wanted it for the countless hours spent breastfeeding- like killing two birds with one stone... but now, not so important...) There is this picture on the box of a woman about...55-60. My mom had put a caption- "Look! She is 34 too!!!" Tell me she was not inspired to write that- instead of wrap it?! I laughed so hard- I could have pee'd myself! It was so stinking funny! Laughter- for me- is amazing medicine!!!! So happy Birthday to me! 34! How did that happen????
Thank you to everyone. Really.

update!

I AM LOSING MY MIND!!!! Kira has done nothing but cry all day today, Its not even noon!
Who ever unhooked her littlest pet sop dog's hat- IS GOING TO BE KILLED- BY ME!

Eating clothes

I just can't get over losing our baby. I am still just so sad. I don't know why- logically why I am so sad still. I mean- I am feeling lots lots better- besides the headache I can't get rid of from crying all the dang time. I know the baby is safely in heaven and does not have to go through the trials of life of Earth. I know that we are an eternal family. But the ILLOGICAL part of my mind just can't GET OVER IT! Grrr. That actually annoys me!

SOOOO I have decided that when I get sad- I will go whatever I can can in my power to change it! I was sitting alone feeling lonely and sorry for myself- but I have decided I can't do that! Lori threw together a last minute girls night for me and it helped TONS! I have gone for a walk, called a friend, asked to babysit Samantha, and make cookies for the kids. One thing that has helped a lot- is every time I get sad, I try to remember somthing that made me laugh. One such occasion came to my mind that had me laughing out loud again. Its so stinking cute- I thought I would write it down in case I forgot it!
When Jordan was almost 3 and Nicole almost 5 I went up to the Cache County Fair with my mom. We wandered in the heat, looking at the booths and eating snow cones. Jordan was being pushed around in the stroller. My mom saw a booth with Cotton Candy and bought a pink and a blue one. Nicole- who had the pleasure of eating cotton candy before started on hers, while Jordan took a handful and looked at it skeptically. I said "Jordan, its yummy look!" I took a piece and popped it into my mouth. STILL he did not trust it- so my mom gave it a go. "Mmmm its sweet!" Nope- nothing- So I pulled off a piece and put it into his sweet little mouth. Jordan gags and says "Its Clothes!" When I questioned him about it he shuddered again and said "Ew! It tastes like CLOTHES!" I don't know how long it took my Mom or I to stop laughing. To this day we call Cotton candy- Clothes- and it gives me a moment to forget I am sad!

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

I always tease Kira about being my baby. I tell her all the time, Nicole and Jordan are naughty horrible children because when I told them I was taking away their birthdays so they would stay little they told me NOOOOOO! Kira has graciously decided to give up her birthdays so she can remain my little girl forever and ever! She did have ONE condition. She always says that I had to wait until she was eight, so she could get baptized. THEN She would agree to stop growing and having birthdays. A sweet, little, baptized girl! I mean what a doll, with her priorities straight! I just love her! Here is a picture I stole from Kelli- because her and Myah just look like tlittle perfect angels. they way we wish they could stay forever...and will in a mommy's heart!

Kira was SO excited for her big day! She took a shower the night before- so she could "Just wake up and focus on my important day!" Dave and Kira had to be at the Stake center by 9 am. I thought it was CRAZY early- considering that it did not start until 12 but when I saw that 13 kids were getting babtized, I guess it may have taken that long to get everyone sized, clothed, changed, and photographed! I came with the rest of the family at 9:30- to BARELY being able to get a seat! SOOO many people came to support her! (I was so grateful, because I was barely hangin' by a thread!) I remember when I was baptized- EVERYONE in the entire family was there- except for my Uncle Steve who was in Guam, and My cousin Malia, who was "lost." (long Story...) So I KNOW Kira will remember how her family came to support her! All of her Aunts, Uncle's, Cousins, Grandparents, and friends came except for Uncle Family, who were driving halfway acrossed the country. It was great!

After she came up out of the water, I just saw her grinning- the biggest Kira grin- I have ever seen! She was so excited. I went into the dressing room with her to change out of her white clothes into her beautiful priness dress I bought her. She looked like the sweetest little doll. I cried. And then cried some more! I am so proud of her! She so wanted to be a baptized member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! I am so happy! She told me that she felt so good, and happy inside. She said she felt "warm" inside. Cute little dolly. A sweet boy in our ward- Kelton, was also baptized that day! she loves him! I am happy they were able to share their day!
We had a delicious brunch afterwards, where the whole family helped. (thank goodness! I was SO tired!) We fed about 60 people. We had so much food- and by 3:00 there was NOTHING left. Crazy! It was such a wonderful day- even though it was still very hard for me, how could I have expected her to wait! She was so thrilled! I just love her tooo much!

So now- my beautiful baby girl is eight. She is baptized. And if you notice her not growing, or aging, its because her and I have a deal. She has to stay my little girl for the rest of her life!