The bad and the GOOD

Its silly mostly, but this week has been hard. Hard the usual way with a newborn. Trying to teach her how to nurse is a challenge. Yes, I knew it would be. I think she is actually doing really well and mostly the tears have been hers!

I also expected that she would get jaundiced. My other kids did too. (well, Kira never needed photo therapy) So ya, expected. But its still hard to worry about that all day every day. She had to be poked and blood drawn every single day...Which makes staying at home and relaxing not happen. I just wanna stay home with her and enjoy our time together! But no, right now, I am getting ready to go AGAIN to the hospital lab for her daily torture session. (Even though she is amazing and has only cried once...I just IMAGINE the torture!)

This week has been wonderful too. Watching Nicole (the self proclaimed baby hater) fall in love with her little sister. Last night Juliet smiled in her sleep and Nicole said " MOM Look!" so I turned to see the normal sleeping face of my little dolly, and Nicole is laughing hysterically because as soon as I turned my head, Juliet stopped. She said- "Mom you missed it! It was adorable!" Nicole was who I worried about the most. she DID NOT want another baby, and if you ask her, she will tell you that she tried to talk us out of having one. Ha Ha Nicole... you love her!

I am so excited to have her little sweetness in our home. with all the heartache I felt the last two years, I can honestly say that now, I will tell those other sweet little angels that I am ok with having lost them, so they could get to work up there early. I was happy to have done so. I think it took the joy of Juliet coming into my life for me to find that peace. I knew it would come, I just hated the road to get there. She is literally my little angel on Earth right now. She helped me find peace and forgiveness in my heart. Thank you Juliet, helping your flawed Mommy see the plan my Heavenly Father had for me.

Well this should be interesting... I am in my living room with my feet elevated higher than my pelvis... with the laptop. But its the only way I am going to be able to share all my wonderful tidings... as I am again directed by the doctor to stay down... ugh. but at least my sweet baby is on the outside!

She is here!!!
I am happy to announce the arrival of our newest sweet little girl:
Miss Juliet Gabrielle!

She arrived 10 days early on February 22, 2011 at 4:31 p.m. weighing 6 lbs 10 oz and measuring 20 inches long. It was pretty uneventful... we went in at 8, spent several hours on IV antibiotics due to being positive for strep, and then because of the Gestational Diabetes and increasing Blood Pressure numbers, my doctor broke my water and started me on pitocin. I was pretty nervous that since it had been so many years since I had a baby that is would be like a first time labor, but it wasn't, it was so stinking easy its almost sad, a few hours of pain and then one push, out she was, ready to get her life a goin'!

This time was so nice! When she came they put her right on me, and cleaned her up right on me, and then let me lay her on my bare skin for about 2o minutes before the weighed her, diapered her, put a blanket on her, anything!!! I was in heaven and so glad to have that experience! My mom and Dave's parents arrived just a few minutes before Juliet came, and my mom watched while I think Dave's parents listened... I think they were some pretty proud grandparents!!!! It was just the most wonderful moment, to finally be able to kiss her little face, after knowing and wanting her for over two years, the losses, and all the anxiety of the complications! But it was pretty gratifying to have the doctor commend me on taking his orders seriously. He said he could tell I controlled the diabetes perfectly because she was just the perfect size, and her blood sugars came back perfectly! I am so glad all my hard work and balancing sugars with WAY too many packages of beef jerky and super icky eggs was worth it! Perfect healthy AND NOT TO MENTION gorgeous baby girl! I just love her. We all do.The kids were a little weirded out at first, like they did not know how to handle it, but now they are all hogging her in their own way. Kira needs to pick out her clothes, and hold her. Jordan is the safety police, so much so that Dave had to remind him that she is not our FIRST child. Nicole makes sure she is clean and no milk spots on her face, toes poking out of blankets, or her socks are straight. Its pretty great. I am glad that they love her.

Juliet is perfect. She had to be taught how to suck. My first actually. So she had a hard time nursing for two days...well they ALL do, but a bit more than others. I taught her with my fingers, pulling her tongue out with my fingers until she got it, and spoon feeding pumped milk while she practiced on my finger... but the last 2 days have been awesome, and because she is eating so well, she is only a hair yellow now! I feel confident we have avoided biliruben lights. I am grateful. She sleeps and eats and sleeps and eats, and melts my heart. That is pretty much it. I just look at her and love her. Dave is as usual, the perfect Daddy. He says that he is so glad to finally have her here. We all waited WAY TOO LONG.

I of course felt recovered the moment she was out, but I guess I had a bit too much blood loss which caused severe severe edema at 3 days post partem. I have had to be on bed rest AGAIN wearing support socks... which may I say are super super sexy! My legs have just ached, but since my blessing (thanks Bryan and my sweet Dave) I have had much relief. They are starting to not look like little fat sausages... which is awesome. I may at some point be normal again.

I am so grateful for my many blessings. Those of which I am still pondering, but will share soon. I love my dear husband. My wonderful children. My sweet little Juliet. My supportive family. My ever faithful friends. Great meals. Thoughtful gifts. Amazing phone calls. Most of all, Love.

I love my life. Its more than one girl deserves.


Now- a plethora of pictures.
My last photo pregnant...hooked up to antibiotics, waiting for some REAL action.



Juliet's first picture. I love her.
Nicole dressed up for the occasion! Holding her new baby sister.
Juilet in the hat I made her just for her birthday!
Juliet after Daddy gave her a bath.
Time to get back to Mommy.
1 day old!
Aunt Chellee, 2 days old

Jordan, ready to take home his sister.
Mommy Loves her Girl

Flowers from the best husband anyine could ask for.
Ready to Rock and Roll!
Kira - Finally a big sister.

Kids saying goodbye before school.
3 days old

Juliet- awake


Pretty in Pink

Perfect baby Doll

Peter on the mind

I have a LOT going on. I have barely any time to think of anything besides my life and its goings ons, but I just wanted to spend a minute and express a few thoughts.

There is a little boy named Peter who lives in Russia. He has lived in an orphanage since he was new and now, a 4 year old, has no one to call his family. This sweet little boy has many challenges besides. Downs Syndrome, a treatable heart defect, and in need of much therapy, this little guy deserves what we all want, need, and crave. Love.

I only know of him because of my sweet friend Julie, who along with her husband, has selflessly put their hearts out there to try to adopt and bring this little boy home. His situation is dire, and they have a place for him. They are beautiful people, and I have been thinking much about them. I think of how lucky this little man will be to have such a family, and it makes me cry with happiness. I want to see her holding his sweet little face to hers as he gets his first Mommy kiss, hear his little chuckly when his Daddy noms noms on his cheeks, and I want to see his little brother and sister climb all over him in a moment of play. I will pray for those moments.

Again, it seems like an odd thing to be thinking about literally hours before I meet my sweet little baby girl, but I am. I want Peter to have his family, and start his real life. I want him to feel what I already feel for my little girl, and I want him to have his Mommy's tears on his cheeks as she proclaims her undying love to him like I will get to do in just a few short hours. I will plead with anyone who is out there to at least read about him. Pray for them, and help in anyway you can. I have a link to his adoption site, and hope he is being as loves and kissed as my little girl will be in a few hours. For a second, have Peter on your mind.



And then pray for us, we will be meeting Swaner Six tomorrrow. We will be kissing and loving her, and can not wait to introduce her. I am not afraid. It will be one of the happiest days of my life, as each of my children's birthdays are. I know we will be safe and blessed for the sacrifices and pain we have gone through the last 27 months. We have waited so long to meet her, and we can hardly wait.

Boo Bed Rest.

So bored. Being in bed is boring. I lie there pretty much all day, or move to the couch for an hour or two, but I am supposed to be in bed...So I go bad like an obedient little patient.

I was lucky to come home Friday without her. I wanted her to cook a little bit longer. Labor will be easier that way!

Seems like the Lord really wanted me to work for this baby. But its ok! I am not mad...He must want to remind me that it is worth it!

But again... so bored. It will be much more fun when I am kissing her little cheeks.

NO- you can't trade seats with your sister.

You wonder if you are the only parent in the world whose kids bicker and fight everywhere you go. You wonder if anyone else has to have assigned seating in their cars so a certain kid will not sit by another certain kid, or else all the demons from Pandora's box are unleashed. You wonder why everyone else's children seem to get along and never fight. But then- You don't care...if you can get all the kids to school one day with happy smiles and no one is annoying another with the jingle from the most annoying commercial ever sang. Or when no one has complained about the way the other is breathing. You don't care at all...because the seating arrangement did its job...made at LEAST ONE RIDE bearable...maybe even included a little domestic bliss.

I don't ask for a lot of it. Just grateful when I actually get it.

The bright side

I am happy when I can take the phone off the hook and go back to bed. I know I will be able to sleep for a couple of hours...this brightens my whole day.

I am NOT happy when I have to sit in a chair until 4 in the morning because the acid reflux is so bad I cry.

I am so glad that it will be over soon. I can't imagine that people deal with this all the time and go years until they fix the problem. I would lose my mind.

For now- I am happy that I can take my phone off the hook and go back to bed. Good night.

Finally- a good dream

I may or may not have mentioned this, but I have had weird dreams about pushing babies in strollers, holding them, feeding them, or talking to them, but in all the dreams none of these babies were mine. They were always someone else' s that they had LENT me because mine did not make it and they are trying to make me feel better. I know its a horrible thought, but I think with loss comes a neurosis that is hard to explain. Its kind of been terrible. BUT Last night, yes I had a dream about having MY baby. She was born 13 days from now, (I know...too soon...a few more days would be better) and she weighed 6 pounds and 14 ounces. Again, I doubt that too. But she was just so cute and looked like Kira and Nicole and she was wanting to eat, but I couldn't until I had a piece of cake. So Seriously folks....make sure I have my dang cake!

I have been so busy! Going in for Non-stress tests twice a week is kinda rough. It wears me out to drive to Salt Lake so often. I guess its worth it in the end, but in the throws of it all, its hard...and tiresome. Her growth ultra-sounds have been right on, which is awesome, and my blood sugars are doing really well. The other day something fun happened though. I took it, and it was 63! A Bit TOO low, so I gladly ate a big piece of cake and some milk. It perked right up to 91. Thank goodness for small favors right?

My mom threw me a wonderful baby shower. It was totally fun, but you know, I feel guilty about all the nice things! Like I don't need or deserve it all! I am sure its again part of my illness of crazy, but I felt bad that everyone was so dang sweet to me. She is going to look adorable in all those things. I had cousins and friends who came far away to make sure I knew that they loved me and supported me. It was wonderful. I don't know how to express my sincere love for them...I guess I won't try. My mom, sisters, and mother-in-law really came through, for what I DID NOT get, they said they will get before too long. My Mommy bought us a new crib! Its so so pretty! I never thought I would have one so pretty! I will post pics soon...because I am sure you are dying to see it! (ok, well maybe not, but I still want to!) I felt totally spoiled and happy. My mom maid me her perfect potato salad too...which is always my fave...and she knows it!

My girls have been helping me. They know I am having a hard time with the work around here. They know how I love them, and appreciate the clean kitchen and cleaned closets.

I don't now what else to do...except sit and try to keep up. I am tried and have a hard time sleeping...getting me ready for those middle of the night feedings...but I will put her in bed and fall asleep while she eats...for a minute anyway.

I need to do something fun before she comes... any ideas?